breaking through the mask
It occurred to me that I should do a little blogging on some of my frustrations and challenges since coming to Japan. Trying to live in a new culture isn’t exactly a bed of roses and this constantly reminds me that I am human and cannot perfectly adapt to anything. Especially because this is the world, it will never be my real home.So anyway, where do I begin? First, it seems like I have had never-ending frustrations since, literally, the first hours I arrived in Japan. Frustrations with the Japanese people, with their culture, with my housemates, with myself…there is nothing that has not been the object of my frustration. If I am lucky, I will vent my frustrations on everyone and everything within the first few months of living in Japan so the rest of the time I can concentrate on more important things.
The highlights of living here, though, have been so strange and unexpected that in an instant they will blot out all frustration I feel towards someone or something. Case in point: the most obvious manifestation has been in the form of anger towards the seemingly callousness of the Japanese people. Whenever I rode on the trains it became worse. People were sullen and stoic. They never smiled and rarely even said “Excuse me” or “I’m sorry” when any kind of transgression took place. People shoved and pushed their way to the front without a thought of those around them. Being a “big” American has its advantages in that I won’t be pulled along with the crowd in most situations. (Mobs are a different story.)
My highlights in this area have come spontaneously and all of them have been small. It was not until writing this, though, that I realized what they’ve added up to. As egocentric as this sounds, giving up my seat to an old Japanese lady is well worth it just to have her smile and talk to me, even if it is to thank and commend me for my generousness. Watching a mother bring her two little girls who were smiling and laughing almost shocked me as I’m sure it did the other Japanese passengers. They actually played a game, oblivious to the silent and stern grownups around them. Watching them gave me something to smile about that day. I have never seen such evidence as I have here of how a smile can really be passed on. On the rare occasions when I receive a smile it brightens my whole day.
On another occasion as some fellow missionaries and I were walking down the steps to a station platform we observed an immaculately dressed businessman with his hand caught in the door of a train that was ready to depart. I saw that he was calmly waving to the train operator to open the doors. Nothing happened. As the train began moving with this guy’s hand still in the door my mind went into a state of panic. My imagination was watching him as he was dragged along the platform and out of sight as the train went along its merry way. In real life, though, his friends (also businessmen) helped pull his hand out of the door at the last second before the train really sped up. When the gentleman saw my group and the horror and worry on our faces he laughed with relief, gave us a thumbs up and said “OK.”
As I look back on this incident, I can recall perfectly the look on the businessman’s face when he saw that the train was not going to open the doors and that it was starting to move. There was absolutely no expression at all. Possibly a questioning look that bordered on curious, but worry or fear never once crossed his face at a speed that I could detect. Even as his friends were clapping his back and even giving him hugs…not even then did his face get so much as a wrinkle. Only when he saw the missionaries and smiled with relief did I know what he was actually feeling.
This event helped me realize that I cannot figure out the entire Japanese people based on their facial expressions. I am a visual person when it comes to communication. I would much rather talk to someone in person than over the phone or through e-mail. There are so many little things to interpret that add to a conversation. Facial expressions are one of these but these people seem to have mastered hiding that form of communication. I know that I have always known this but for some reason I needed to be reminded of this. It always helps me. Lately, though, I have found that almost every time I am traveling home at the end of the day God lets me see something that makes me smile. It usually involves catching a Japanese person off guard. Then I remember that the Japanese are an amazing people but they have gotten so used to showing a bold, unafraid face to the world that we don’t know how amazing they can be.
Figuring this out makes me want to break through that mask even more so I can see all the uniqueness that God used when he created these people. I pray that he gives me the patience and forbearance to do this.
posted by kat @ 4:13 AM
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